orangey sodapop (smercy) wrote in muffinsandjelly,
orangey sodapop

fic (with a new style, too)

[originally posted: april 4, 2006, 04:53]

for sm_monthly
michiru, challenge: religion
(I liked this so much that I decided I had to post it here.)

with every moment that wasn’t busy being filled with another duty, michiru missed the ocean; not the beach or particularly the smell of all that rotting seaweed, but its raw untamedness. (but the ocean is not without consequence) her rage matched the sea’s, but buried too deep, she knew, down in the places where only ‘ruka could reach but didn’t. (when she was fourteen and found out, it was like the water and the wind and the rain were whispering to her, that they knew her secret all along) their houses in tokyo just weren’t close enough to the coast, and security was too tight to leave the city, no matter what michiru longed for. (she ran away, but to the beach first, even knowing that she was supposed to be meeting at the specified point) in the mornings, she would wake restless and wishing she could remember what it was like to be connected to her element. (waiting for her benefactor to come and get her, she was running in her favorite pink dress sideways into the waves) haruka had the wind always, but michiru really only had haruka. (she was hiding under the surf to say her goodbyes, screaming them underwater where they ended up all distorted and muffled and wrong) it was wrong for her to be cut off from her power so acutely, it was just entirely wrong and she needed the ocean now. (who the hell even cared if she inhaled straight water, she was the fucking soldier of the ocean) michiru used her mirror sometimes to watch the shore, look at the truth of the water and breathe out deeply, the only way to get her to sleep lately.
michiru had memories, some of the rare old ones; and there she was so connected to the water, it moved deeply within her and without her. (the sea is full of pockets of motion, and of comfort) every second that she was without, she grew lonelier and the waves peaked harder. (when she was seventeen, she would forget sometimes just how necessary air could be) michiru would go away sometimes to the swimming pool, but couldn’t forget the artificiality of the water. (until haruka kissed her again) it was barren of life, that chlorinated travesty, but it was all that she could swim in. (she pulled the both of them into the ocean and felt their clothes stick together) she was hid in the insulation and the quiet of the still pool, wished for the fever and chaos of the surf. (when they broke up from the water ‘ruka said, “you taste better like this, salty with your sweet”) this was just as calm as michiru knew she was going to get, but still she wanted more. (long after it got cold and her lover left, she let the ocean hold her for hours and occasionally brushed the swollen spots on her lips) so michiru burned her muscles into exhaustion, created waves and splashes over and over until she could pretend something different, just for just a few minutes. (let completely go and surrendered in a little bed of sand until she had to surface again) this was her home, but she couldn’t feel it without her power, her destiny, fate and love; she was panicking and thrashing about in the middle of the damn pool, not content with waiting for the source of her power.
(she left early in the morning, before hotaru was awake enough to miss her, left a note on the refrigerator and ran away to the coast) it hurt michiru to see it again and realize that she had neglected the ocean, and to feel how it had turmoiled without her. (she kept her sandals planted firmly in the sand, ran barefoot through the shattered shells to her haven) the sea ran deep not only through her veins, but in the blood of sailorneptune, and all through the past-neptune too. (before this life, in the old times, she was a goddess and the ocean itself would worship her.)
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